Hello Lovely! Lately I’ve been doing a good amount of thinking. I’ve been thinking about what I’m truly passionate about, how best to spend my time, and my identity in general. Yes, Delaney is a full time job most days but as many of you know I’ve struggled to settle into my new role as a stay at home mom. It’s all I wanted for so long, to have a baby and be able to stay at home with them. I didn’t realize until I actual stepped into the role how much I identified myself by my career and if we’re honest I didn’t realize how hard it is to be responsible for the life of a tiny human 24/7. Honestly, there are a lot of days I’m envious of the moms that get to wake up, shower, drop their baby at day care, and spend their entire day with adults. Before anyone starts blowing up my inbox for this confession, I know that I’m lucky to be able to stay at home with her all day. I’m well aware this is time and countless memories I wouldn’t be able to have if I was away from her during the day. I am truly grateful to have a husband that will work and support me in staying home with our smiley little red head. All that said, I’m a different person than when I started this blog. My life is so much more wonderful but so much messier than it was then. All I wanted was a Prada handbag when I started but now I’d likely trade it for a pedicure and a nice meal somebody else cooked. I’ve transitioned from traveling regularly for work to having days when I stay in my pajamas. Most days there is some type of food dried onto my clothing by the time I lay down. My drive home went from taking one of the widest freeways in the world to mostly driving past cow pastures. It’s a lot of change in a short amount of time and while I love my life, I do wonder what God has planned for me next. Since I’ve stripped myself of my old identity, where do I fit in now?
I do know I’m where I need to be even if it’s still taking some getting used to, at least the staying home with Delaney part. For me staying home taking care of her is doing God’s work, making sure she is raised to know Him. Maybe, I’m meant to exclusively stay at home and raise my kids in this stage in life. It’s ok if it is, but I just have a feeling something is missing some days. It could be the fact that I’ve missed writing just to write. I’ve missed baking just to try a new ingredient, a new flavor. I miss people, getting to converse with other adults.
While I’ve been having these thoughts, I received a new book over the holidays. The author was described as a “Passionate gatherer of people”. I first thought to myself, that’s my kind of people. My second thought was, I wish people described me that way. After all, I do love to host a good get together and I do have the time/space to get people together, I just don’t do it enough. Reading her book, I didn’t relate to a lot of it but I saw that description of her come to life in her stories. It felt like some sort of big reveal in my life, like it’s at least a piece of what I feel God is calling me towards.
Last week I had one of those days that you envision your life to be like as a stay at home mom. It was what you imagine it to be like when you’re pregnant and your boss has just told you your pants are too tight (I cried for thirty minutes in my car over that one). Now I can honestly tell you, 98% of the time it is not at all like this. I think on occasion everyone gets a day like this to remind you that your right where you supposed to be. I’ve have a sinus infection for weeks now, Delaney has a cold and since coming back from the holiday we’ve been trapped inside. Being stuck inside can be terrible, especially when your sick, but this day was not. I was on day four of my antibiotics and I had discovered “Kid’s Baking Championship” while I was down. On a side note, there is no better way than watching a ten year old make pat a choux to realize how behind you are on your own baking abilities. Anyway, it got me thinking about a book my mom gave me when I was dating my husband. He’d come over to my mom’s house and we’d work on perfecting my chocolate chip cookie recipe. We’d then proceed to eat the entire batch while it was hot. Mom gave me a book called the Cake Bible since I was so interested in the science behind the recipes. I decided, based on my poor baking skills, I should read some of it. I began working on a recipe based on the science. I can’t tell you how much fun this was, reading through recipes and trying to understand how each ingredient effects the other. Back to that day though, we both slept in and I started my morning without any distractions. Instead of letting Delaney get fussy at my feet, I decided to get in the floor and play with her. I sipped my morning tea in front of her as she bounced in her seat smiling and laughing with me. She fell asleep and I laid her down for her nap around lunch time. I decided to try out that recipe I’d created before I sat down for lunch. Zesting and juicing the fresh oranges my entire house smelled like an orange orchird. I stirred the batter by hand and as I watched it all come together, I felt perfectly in my element. For the first time in a long time I felt like myself. Once the cakes were in the oven, I sat down and had lunch. I actually got all my dishes unloaded and the cake mess loaded back up. We even had time to take her eight month photo on the correct day and she actually laid there long enough for me to snap the picture. It was a truly glorious day even if I was a little under the weather.
Which brings me back to, I am right where I need to be but I’ve got to get back to what I’m passionate about. As I said before my life is much messier than when this blog started. I hope you’ll love this new direction but if you’d rather unfollow me I’m ok with this. Well, I’ll learn to be ok with it because I’ve got to be true to myself first. My writing isn’t any good when I’m forcing myself to write instead of writing because of my passion for the topic. Look for a turn back towards more recipes, some entertaining ideas, a little family, and a little more Jesus along the way. My life is so different than it once was but its also so much better.
Oh and you absolutely have to try that cake I baked! It’s a Blood Orange Rosemary Olive Oil Cake with a dark chocolate ganache filling and your going to want to try this one!
Blood Orange Rosemary Olive Oil Cake
6 Egg Yolks
1/2 Cup of Milk
1/2 Cup of Fresh Squeezed Blood Orange Juice
1 Tbsp Orange Zest
3 Cups of Cake Flour
1 1/4 Cup of Sugar
1 Tbsp + 1 Tsp Baking Powder
1 Tsp of Salt
2/3 Cup of Olive Oil
1 Tbsp of Minced Rosemary
Preheat your oven for 350 degrees fahrenheit. Prepare two 9 inch round baking pans with a butter and flour coating. Mix your dry ingredients in one bowl (Flour, baking powder, salt, rosemary). Mix you sugar, oil, milk, and juice in a separate larger bowl. Add your egg yolks and dry ingredients to the wet mixture beginning and ending with dry ingredients. Mix until all ingredients are just incorporated but do not over mix! Overtaxing will give you a tougher cake texture which you do not want! Distribute the batter evenly between the two cake pans.
Cook in preheated oven for roughly 20 minutes or until you can get a toothpick you’ve stuck in the cake to come out clean.
I made a very basic dark chocolate ganache (like this one) and spread on top one of the cakes once they were cooled. I layer the second cake on top and then dusted it with powdered sugar. Enjoy!
And I should just say, I seriously enjoyed this one ;)!
From our home to yours happy eats!